Recovery takes immense courage, commitment, and a solid support system. Part of your recovery may involve looking closely at the relationships in your life. As tough as it may be, letting go of people who don’t offer positive support is sometimes the healthiest decision you can make for yourself. In recovery, you deserve to be surrounded by people who uplift you, not those who bring you down.
Not every relationship will help you grow, especially when you are focused on healing. Some relationships can hinder your progress or make you question your commitment to recovery. A toxic relationship might involve someone who:
- Keeps using substances around you or pressures you to join in. It’s hard to stay committed to your recovery when you’re around people who use substances or try to convince you to do the same.
- Dismisses or makes fun of your commitment to sobriety. Someone who belittles your decision to get sober or minimizes the importance of your recovery is not respecting your journey.
- Creates stress, anxiety, or self-doubt about your journey. A person who constantly criticizes or questions your choices can make you feel uncertain and stressed, which can be dangerous during recovery.
- Resents the positive changes you’re making in your life. People who are unhappy with your changes—like setting boundaries or taking better care of yourself—might feel threatened or left behind.
Recognizing that a relationship is doing more harm than good is never easy, especially when it involves someone you care about deeply. But becoming aware of these signs is a vital first step in protecting your recovery.
How to End a Toxic Relationship
Letting go of toxic relationships is hard, especially when emotions are involved. Here are some steps that might help:
- Put yourself first: Remember that your health and recovery are the most important priorities right now. It’s okay to put yourself first, even if it feels uncomfortable or makes others unhappy. You’re not being selfish. You are choosing to live a healthier, more fulfilling life.
- Set clear boundaries: Be upfront and direct about your boundaries. You might say something like, “I need to focus on my recovery, so I won’t be able to spend time with you right now.” You don’t need to justify your decision or go into detail, but a clear boundary helps protect your emotional and mental well-being.
- Communicate honestly: If it feels safe, have an honest conversation with the person. Explain that you need to step back from the relationship to stay focused on your recovery. Keep the focus on what you need, not on their behavior. For example, you could say, “I need to take care of myself right now. This means that I need to keep my distance.”
- Seek support: If facing this alone is too much to handle, seek support. Reach out to a therapist, counselor, or support group. These professionals can provide guidance and help you cope with the emotional impact of ending a toxic relationship. Talking to others who’ve gone through similar experiences can also be reassuring and remind you that you’re not alone in this journey.
- Create distance slowly: Gradually creating distance—such as declining invitations, being less available, or redirecting conversations—can help you transition out of the relationship more gently. This can be especially helpful if the relationship is with a family member or someone you see regularly.
- Remain focused on your goals: Keep your recovery goals as your focus. Remind yourself regularly why you’re making these changes. Remember that every difficult decision you make now is a step toward a better future.
Ending a toxic relationship is a brave and necessary step to protect your recovery. It is not about abandoning people but about protecting your progress.
When you end a toxic relationship, you may want to seek out new friendships and connections with people who genuinely support your goals. This might mean joining support groups such as AA or NA, attending community events, or participating in sober activities that interest you. Being around like-minded people who are on a similar path can help you feel less alone.
Don’t hesitate to seek professional support when needed. If you are struggling with a substance use or mental health disorder, Stone River Recovery Center in San Antonio, Texas, is here to help. To learn more about our program and services, please contact us today.
